This post is more for myself than anything, to buoy my spirits on a day when I feel depression tugging at the edges of my conscious thoughts. Life is unpredictable. It seems to often challenge our happy successes and exploit our every weakness to the maximum. A favorite LDS saying is “He never said it would be easy, He just said it would be worth it”; but there are days, like today, when I have to force myself to believe it is “worth it”.
When I sew, I often begin at the edge and blaze right through to the appointed stopping place. Many times I do not hit the reverse on the machine to backstitch and reinforce the edge stitches. In fact, I often purposely do not backstitch, because, should I need to rip out my stitching and start over, I might struggle against the backstitches and even rip the fabric. However, I have also found that the stitching at the edges will sometimes pull apart once it is even mildly stressed, if it isn’t locked in place with a backstitch. Dilemma. When to backstitch and when to not.
And such it seems with my life. I think at the moment I have literally miles of life “stitching” to unravel and rip out so I can remake it. But it is all backstitched. Many things badly need reworked but I am mired in the mass of tiny stitches that seem to hold me in place, pinning me to the ragged consequences of my poor choices. I am struggling to free myself and start reconstructing but I am still held fast.
So, what is the path forward? Shall I allow despair to overcome me and simply throw the faulty seams and fabric away? Can I take scissors and surgically whack the offending seams? At this point I want to put the entire project in the closet and move away from the house to forget about it, but that isn’t the right answer either. So maybe the answer is to step away, take a breather, and then change glasses and pick up my seam ripper again. Even though the project is huge and even though it may take the rest of my life. There is no one to help but God; it is a one person job for me. And if the frustration threatens to deliver doses of depression, I must keep the end goal in mind. And find daily joys along the way, somehow, to make it “easier” until “worth it” comes into completion.
And when I have ripped out all my offending seams I will carefully plan and re-sew my life with the wisdom I have painfully gained. And most definitely backstitch the edges.